Happy Wandering Pillager

Where did the steam go?

Seriously… We’re still a rather young couple. It shouldn’t be this comfortable yet. We sit on a cough next to each other, maybe pass a few comments between commercials, but that’s about it. I try to flirt with him and it’s like I’m being dumb or bothersome to him. He certainly doesn’t respond to it at all. I don’t turn his head anymore. I feel dumb for trying. I feel dumb for wanting more. I feel like he would roll his eyes if I wasn’t right in front of him. TV seems to be more important-at least it holds his attention more. That’s exceptionally sad for me.

What else is sad to me is that there are a lot of really cool people in the show I’m doing currently. None of them make me want to strike up a convo. None of them seem interested in me either. They all have such short attention spans that they wouldn’t wait for an answer if they did ask…

Anyway, all these things are why I’m not doing so well right now. I’m trying to write more so I’m not expressing emotion in the wrong way-cause I have definitely don’t that recently.

“…you want to bundle up and close that door…” -Spring Awakening

Thoughts on a Wednesday.

1 month ago

I cannot identify the cause of my unrest but I am overcome with unhappiness. I feel like as soon as I make any headway I am cut short again and it’s back to square one all over again… I can’t seem to get off first base. It’s hat to wake in the morning knowing each day will be the same as the last and then after that it just gets more boring.
I moved back to a city to be in a more exciting place, only to find the exact opposite and loneliness personified added to that. And to top it off, the people here are rude and ignorant and arrogant! That’s not a good combo: if you’re at least smart or good looking, then, by all means, be a little cocky but that’s not the case… At all!
I’m finding, as I get older that I hate commercialism with a haters that makes me burn. I happened to get a job right in the mecca of all that! Serving the very citizens that make my skin crawl! I used to never watch tv and while I’m not saying that there isn’t great cinematography there, I hate the way that even the good shows are influenced by who ever is fitting the bill. Some car or whole fleet of cars, or-even worst-some idea! What’s more evil is that some people believe that shit!
I have no more time to write. I just want to reiterate how much of a problem all of the above is for me…. Ya.

1 month ago